a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
