First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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