Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
a search helicopter?!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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