You can't special order awesome
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
