I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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