Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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