So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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