I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
