What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
