A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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