The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
