A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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