I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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