Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
