You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
