she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
