In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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