i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
