EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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