apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you would pick up someone in the library
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.