I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize