So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.