she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize