News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The air was thick with penises
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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