U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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