she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
