Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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