Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
