People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
