I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
