I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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