so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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