wanna go halves on a baby?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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