sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
