I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We have so much sex to catch up on
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
