I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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