Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
