Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
