When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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