Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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