I just threw up on my dentist
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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