There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
