i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
