All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
