im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
4 words: hood of his car
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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