Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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