Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
