Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
