john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?