we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?