I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.