That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.