Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
