he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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