so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
