Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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