Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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