I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
