Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
