It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
