she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
