I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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