Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
