she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
