I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
