with your own penis?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
